So, your friend is grieving. They are not the same, and you wish they would go back to normal. You miss your friend and how things you used to be.
You're the friend that's grieving. Your world is shattered. How can you go back to normal when your life just took a sudden shift?
In this situation, what do you do?
Friends grieving is never the most comfortable thing. I was that friend that could not go back to normal. It was hard for me to deal with my everyday emotions. While I wanted to be around my friends, I was jealous. Anger was my new normal. Honestly, I woke up every day trying to combat this angry feeling. It had seemed to me that my friends and family had gotten to live their best life and have all the perks; meanwhile, I was fighting lousy news left and right. Shortly after my mom had passed, my nieces and nephews' house caught on fire. It seemed like "dang, I can't even grieve." So many people were asking, "What can I do for you, Lisa? What do you need?" People even stopped talking to me because I wouldn't answer them. But if I can be frank, I could not answer them. I did not even know how to deal with myself, let alone tell someone else what I needed.
While we are grieving, we can not think straight, and while that is frustrating for our friends around us, it is the truth. Grief is uncomfortable. Imagine being the person who is grieving and living with yourself and not even recognizing yourself.
All I needed was love and to be told that I am normal. I needed calmness, relaxation, and I needed someone to tell me that I did not need to be strong. I needed to stop hearing how well I looked and how well my siblings and I were. I needed to stop hearing how healthy I look and how I hide my feelings.
I never hid my feelings. I was very upfront with how I was feeling and what was going on in my head. I was very truthful when I had a bad day. When I needed to cry, I let the water run down my face. I never lied about my emotions or never hit people with the "I'm fine." I could not hold it in, so when people say, "oh, you look strong," they chose not to see the truth for their comfort.
If your loved one is grieving, be there for them.
My friend lost her second parent and I went to her house. Her husband, her brother, her and I sat and watched Netflix. When they needed to cry, we allowed them to do just that. If they fell asleep while we were watching tv, we let them sleep. When we are grieving, we do not ask for much, but we want simplicity.
If you are the person who is grieving, then please know that whatever you are feeling, it is normal, and you are not losing your mind. I know it might seem like you are losing your mind, but I promise you, this is part of the process. It sucks. But I want you to think about it like this: Your life has shifted. You will be okay, but right now, it does not seem like it. And that's okay. You do not have to be strong or okay right now. Allow your body to adjust. You have to figure out now a new normal, schedule, coping mechanism, and everything else in your life has shifted. So be gentle to yourself. Be kind to the person in the mirror.
If you are a friend of someone who is grieving, please be kind to your friend. Also, check your heart and check your mental health. If you can not handle it, then that is okay. You can tell your friend, "Listen, I love you, but I can't handle discussing another death." But if you do decide to support your friend, then please be there for your friend. Your friend might just need your presence as they sit in the dark, watch a movie, or go to the beach. When I was grieving and started going back to work, my friend called me and asked me where I was. I told him I was at the office and my friend brought me some lemonade. And I was so grateful. I talk about that gesture all the time because it meant the world to me that my friend remembered my favorite drink and thought about me and brought it to my job. All I needed was to know that someone loved me the way I love them.
So, I think the moral of the story is that grief sucks, and it changes us. It is uncomfortable for the person who is grieving and the people around them as well. Sometimes we have to be okay with being uncomfortable and allowing our bodies and loved ones to do what they need.
I love you all, and to anyone who is grieving, my heart is with you! As always, I want you to love you the way you love the world.
Copyright © 2020 HealingSheGotFaith. All Rights Reserve.