There is a culture of healing and love that is happening in this generation. Let me say this it is absolutely beautiful. I say this because I've met so many people who pour into everything around them, but themselves. This is including me. Can I be honest? I felt like I had to be there for everyone at every moment. I was so focused on not being selfish that I literally dedicated my life to show up for everyone except me. I could not be there for myself even when I needed me. I was losing my health, my identity, my love, and my energy. How I explain to everyone is that I was an empty cup, still trying to pour out my liquid. The best way to describe it is I am that cup, your favorite mug, that you haven't been able to find in a while. You are deep cleaning your house and boom there I am (your favorite cup). You soak it in the sink, scrub it, but because of you extra clean and you don't how or why your favorite cup was lost, you throw it in the dishwasher. You're low key extremely excited, but you forgot how much you loved this cup, but it was lost and out of sight out mind. Anyways, I am the cup in the dishwasher. I am currently cleaning up and checking on myself to be a better version of myself. Except for this time, it's a better version for me.
I want to be able to pour out to everyone else, but I was empty. I can slowly feel myself getting filled back up. But this is a process, and it's a long process. It's a process that I never knew I needed. How did I do this? I had to admit that I was tired and burnt out, I needed to make a plan and write out my vision,
I took my first "self-care," aka solo trip. I went to California with my mom's ashes. I had to put on my big girl pants and make a decision about my life. People had to know my feelings and how I truly felt. I had to let my job know that I had to go. I had to let my family know that I needed to move. Even when I felt that I had a grasp of this self-love journey, I still fell into those sinkholes. I always took everything personally. I was so hard on myself. When things didn't align, or when I didn't wake up early, I beat myself up. I used to call myself Wonder Woman, and I made myself believe that it was who I indeed was. I remember having to tell people that Wonder Woman took her chains off. She no longer exists.
Somedays, this self-love journey is excellent. Other days I have no idea what I am doing. As I have continued this journey, I have recognized that I somedays I just have to take it day by day and when that's too fast minute by minute. The self-love journey is an ongoing process. It does not become magical in one day, and it does not stay magical. There are good and bad days. We have to be okay with that. Remember, it is a process, and it does go back and forth. And that's okay. Just remember to love you the way you love the world.
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