When I started blogging I had this whole idea of how I was going to have grief groups and use my social work degree to make money. I made a mission and vision statement and just knew that boom; partnerships, partnerships, and more partnerships.
Much like everyone else, none of that happened. None of the plans nor the visions came through. I was stuck writing blogs and creating YouTubes and not really knowing exactly what I was doing.
Grief kept creeping back up. The pain and agony of missing my mom and dad and missing St. Louis just got bigger. I was lost and felt useless. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was not strong enough to be in New York. I don't have any friends in New York and the few that I did move away and had to figure out their new normal. I was lonely. I came out here to learn about family, but I can't say that this vision came out either. I got to know a couple of family members and I got to know a little bit more family history than I did before. But still, I was empty.
What was I to do?
I kept writing and I kept recording.
I kept going to therapy.
One of my friends asked me, "You work hard on HealingSheGotFaith, how much do you get paid?" I answered, "For HealingSheGotFaith, I don't make any money off of it." She proceeded to ask if I was okay with that and if that was the plan or was I just sharing my experience?"
This question is so tricky. I wish I could make money. But I am not money-hungry. This is more than money. Honestly, I couldn't care less about my story being put out there, but I do recognize that in order for people to open up; I have to be open about myself. Also, I know healing comes from other people sharing and seeing hope. So while I would love to make money, I am not also not pressing the issue.
Also, I feel like I have been challenged in many directions. I feel like I was challenged in the sense of how much do I truly trust God?
But when I was lost and was losing sight; I had to go back to the basics. The basics were the mission and vision of HealingSheGotFaith. What was the point of HealingSheGotFaith? I had to ask this question because ultimately the purpose of HealingSheGotFaith was the same purpose I have in life.
As I started going through my HealingSheGotFaith notebook and ideas and even the idea of revamping my whole website, I had a couple of revelations. Those revelations are:
Grief made me realize my beauty. I can not believe that I ever thought I was ugly. I was so insecure and settled for so much. After dealing with my grief and working through it, I literally see the most beautiful girl turned into the most gorgeous woman ever.
The mission of HealingSheGotFaith is to embrace every person’s story. HealingSheGotFaith hopes to encourage everyone to love the person in the mirror just like they love the world. When I read this I realized grief has allowed me to embrace my story. I have been more comfortable in my story than ever before. I have fallen so in love with myself and I honestly couldn't show myself any more gratitude.
The vision of HealingSheGotFaith is HealingSheGotFaith envisions to create a safe place for all people, but especially people who are grieving and starting the journey of their new normal. HealingSheGotFaith welcomes all people from all different walks of life. We have a vision of building a community for all people to love them the way they love the world. As I sat here and read this I realized in my head, I envision a community of people healing from their hurt and trauma. I see people so comfortable and even when they are not, they know where to go and they know who to contact. In the last month, my numbers on YouTube, Instagram, and Linkedin have gone up more than I have ever seen. I am excited, but not because of the numbers, but because people are healing, they are seeking out resources in order to heal. People are taking their mental health and self-care more seriously than ever. That is what I envisioned and slowly, but surely, I see it.
Whether I like to admit it or not, grief gave me a purpose. Grief led me to my calling. I can't explain it and part of it doesn't make sense to me, but it's the truth. Grief reminded me of my "why."
Tomorrow would have been my mommy's birthday and honestly, I want to celebrate her instead of cry. Even though she's gone, I want to do something for me. That something for me is displaying some self-care and doing something in her remembrance.
Beautiful people, if you stayed with me for this ride, then I want to show you gratitude. I appreciate you!
I love you, but I want you to love yourself the way you love the world.
Copyright © 2020 HealingSheGotFaith. All Rights Reserved.