Losing both parents

There are times where I just wish my parents had survived. Now, this may seem like common sense, but can we be real? Even though this seems like common sense often as adults, we do not allow ourselves to feel this. It is almost like adults are not allowed to discuss this. If we were kids, everyone would be babying us and catering to us. However, we're grown, so we should be holding it together. Negative. I miss my mommy and daddy, and I am going to say it loud. I believe that a lot of us worry more about what other people feel or what they will say about us instead of just embracing the current personal emotions. However, let me say this, we cannot control how people respond to us, nor do other people have to deal with us and our current emotions. Does that hurt? Absolutely, but just like we have things going on, so do other people. So, I've looked at both of my parent's death. My dad had a heart attack, and my mother passed because of injuries of a car accident. How come they didn't survive? Questions that come up are how many people have endured triple bi-pass surgeries? How many people have survived car accidents? Not only have I lost a parent in a car accident, but I have also lost a very close friend to a car accident. Not only have I lost two people to a car accident, I now have to watch my little brother find his new routine and deal with his new body because of a car accident. None of this is easy, nor is it fun. Some days I get it, and other days all I have are questions. I think this is where we have to be careful when talking to people who are enduring a trying time. During the time that my mom and brother were in the hospital, I heard so many people say, " I've witnessed God work miracles. I've seen God bring people out of a coma." But what happens when that doesn't happen? What happens when those prayers aren't answered? We have to be extremely careful about what we say to people. I believe in miracles, and I've seen a couple of miracles here and there. My brother is one of those miracles, but I caught myself in a position where I was questioning, "Why couldn't my parents survive?" I personally do not believe in the whole "God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors." I don't think that because I haven't met someone who hasn't been through something. I also believe that life happens. Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I believe God is God, and I am Lisa. However, I come today to express the pain and agony dealing with both parents being off of this Earth. While I believe I have strong faith, I would be lying if I told you I was never mad at God, Earth, people, and myself. I would be lying if I said to you that I didn't have questions. I would even be lying if I told you that I do not get jealous of seeing other people with their families. Imagine being in many people's weddings and witnessing the daddy-daughter dance and mother and son dances and thinking, "wow, I'll never get that. I am not trying to take away from weddings, but these are real and honest thoughts that I have had. I miss my parents. I wish they were here. I never imagined that I would be in my twenties with no parents. Not having parents and hitting all these milestones breaks my heart. I used to call my mom every day to talk to her and get her opinion. I wish when I was younger, I cherished the moments with my dad more. I wish I would have answered his calls and not had a teenage attitude. I used to meet people who had lost both parents, and I remember being like, wow, I can't even imagine not having either parent, even though deep down inside, I knew one day it would happen. Now that it is here, I am finding my way without them, and honestly, some days, it is tiring. Sometimes I just want to hear their voice or smell their scent. Other days, I am living my best life, and some days I am stuck in bed crying out for my mom and dad. My emotions tend to be everywhere, and quite often, I am explaining myself to people saying, "Today just reminded me of daddy. Today would have been a day where mommy and I did this or that." There is no easy way to deal with these emotions and feelings, but I do believe we can start with having a safe place to speak about it. I hope that this is a place where people can come together to release those emotions. I know this is what I needed, and I know that I can't be the only person that felt this way. As always, my beautiful people, I want you to love you the way you love the world.

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