I don't think anyone gets through grief.
Ironic right? Why would I title this blog that if I don't have an answer? But I think that's it. We are always looking for a structured formula to give us answers to the things that are unknown and uncomfortable.
Listen, if I had an answer, then I would not be as emotional as I am. I am one of the most dynamic and probably most challenging people you will know. I am just a person who doesn't see a lot of straight forward answers. I am in tune with who I am and who I want to become. I have become a person who loves to spend time with myself.
Honestly, losing my mother forced me to love me and get to know me. This is the total opposite of what losing my dad taught me. Losing my dad taught me to be strong and to carry the world on my shoulders. I don't know who told me to be strong. Maybe it was my parents' hustle. Perhaps it was the generational curse that I was taking in. Possibly it was the myth that we shouldn't share our emotions. Whatever it was, I picked it up.
When my mom passed, I had no choice but to honestly admit to what I was feeling and focus on what I was going through.
Somedays, I am perfectly fine and living through my dreams and aspirations. Other days, I am questioning my purpose. Then some days, I am curled up in my bed, and I feel like a little six-year-old who wants her mommy and daddy.
I don't believe that things get better with time.
I don't believe everything happens for a reason. When I say this, I mean this in the cliche way when something happens, and we're uncomfortable, so we say this.
I also don't believe that God won't put more on us than we can handle.
I believe we have to address what we are going through. I know that sometimes we have to allow the tears to roll down our faces. There are days when our most significant accomplishment is us getting out of bed. There will be moments when we have to cancel the plans.
Often, we are worried about what other people feel and not enough about how we think. This is where HealingSheGotFaith's famous quote came from; "Love you the way you love the world."
We have to start with us to move forward.
The secret is...
It doesn't matter where you are in life, either.
It doesn't matter if you're single, a mother, married, 20, 105, or whatever. The secret and the key is to start with you. I know you have put a lot of energy into people, and you have supported folk! But imagine a world where you put that same energy into you. I know it might not be easy. Maybe you just had a new baby, perhaps you're working from home, and now you're a teacher because of COVID. Maybe your spouse is sick, you lost a parent, or even perhaps lost a child. You're possibly ill or struggling with a new diagnosis. I don't know what it is, but I know that there is probably an excuse that you're telling yourself that you can't put yourself first. I am here to tell you that you can! If you needed permission, here it is! Love you! Put that same energy in yourself. Look that person in the mirror and love on yourself! You deserve the rest, praise, and love that you give everyone else.
I don't have a one size fits all answer on how to deal with grief. I know for me, I had to say no to everything. I had to quit my job and move and getaway. I know that everyone doesn't have that luxury, but we all can do something for our benefit. We need to invest in ourselves. I believe that's the key, catering to our mind, body, and souls.
Grief is tricky. Grief is confusing. And most of all, grief is uncomfortable. So, to say this is what I did, and this is what you should do is wrong. I believe we can listen and learn from other people, but sometimes we take from other folk and add our spin on it. My words of wisdom are to honor your mind, body, and soul and love you the way you love the world, which is why I end every blog and video with that phrase.
I hope that after reading this, you give yourself a hug and love on yourself a little bit more. Thank you for sticking with me along this journey!
I love you all!
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