Grief Reminded Me of My “Why”

So, I had a different blog that I was going to write and publish for today. But I came across a Facebook post that I wrote last year. And then it dawned on me, “LeLe, this was the point of HealingSheGotFaith.” The sole purpose of HealingSheGotFaith was to, of course, address grief and encouraged people to enter this self-love journey, but also to give real-time/real- experience with pain. I am going to share the Facebook post here (This was posted July 3rd, 2019):

“This day & time last year, I was getting ready to hop on a plane. Mommy and I were calling each other talking about meeting each other in ATL. I didn’t know that this trip would be the last time I would see my Queen.

In this picture, I got to see my Queen come out of her comfort zone. Everyone knew/noticed how much weight I had gained (but if you knew what I was going through, you would understand.)

I made sure to purchase this whole trip so she wouldn’t have to pay for a dime except HER spending money. I went to school full time, had a complete full-time Practicum, worked full-time, and had a couple of part-time jobs. I couldn’t give her the world, but I could start with Greece. I had watched my mother lose our house, go through a divorce, cry many nights because she didn’t have any money, live with other people, and go in and out of temp jobs. I prayed for her to find a job and to make friends. It all started to unfold. I had to give her this. You see, she didn’t realize the culture of a cruise. We can walk around in our swimsuits and be as free as we want. I said, “I know I got big, but I look good, and even if people think I look ugly, guess what! We are across the world. I ain’t never going to see them again.” She had on a cover-up until we saw this beautiful woman who was big. And she had on a string bikini and was flawless. Mommy said, “ Oh yes, take this cover-up off! Let’s go to the top of the cruise and take pics.” Then she said, “Lisa, take a pic of me with my two Pina Coladas. I told my job that I would send a pic because if the boat sinks, I won’t drown because I have two drinks in my hands, and they are my floaties.”

And I cracked up as I took the picture. Her smile, her laugh, her love. And she didn’t want to go because she didn’t think she could afford it. But I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass by for my Queen.”

This post reminded me of my purpose. One, losing my mother, killed my soul beyond repair. I can not deny that. Two, when I wrote this post, people on my timeline discussed how they felt like they were there on the cruise ship with us. And I remembered I love to write! I love to tell stories. This is what this society needs, and this is what people who are grieving need! We need to discuss those things that seem taboo.

During this memory, almost two years ago, I got a chance to see my mother be a child and a teen for the first time. Being with her on that cruise was like being with a new person. She opened up. She challenged herself. I was blessed and honored for her to be able to trust me with that information. She was so vulnerable to me during that time. I remember looking at her and thinking, “Wow, I truly love this woman. How did I get so lucky to have her as my mom?” My mom has endured so much in life and was still able to love like she had never been hurt before.

It is going on two years that my mom transitioned out of this Earth. This time last year, I was devastated, and the way to fix that was to tell a story of my mom and I. While writing that story, people reminded me of my talent which reminded me of my why. So I wanted to go back to the root of it all! I want to tell and share stories of my grief in hoping that someone somewhere will read it, and they know that they are not alone.

Copyright © 2020 HealingSheGotFaith. All Rights Reserved

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