So Thanksgiving is this week. If you're some like me, the holidays do not mean much to you. I like to treat every day as a holiday because of all the grief I have experienced in my life.
Most people think I am a grinch, but honestly, I'm not particularly eager to spend ALL this money for a couple of days out of the year. I remember when holidays were all about family, and we spent time taking pictures, dressing up, eating our hearts out, and stuffing our faces. We got to see family and friends that we haven't seen in a long time. We got to laugh and enjoy the moment for what it is.
But at some point holidays became more about money and family and I'm not too fond of that. And then add losing people that can never come back on top of that. It is heartbreaking.
People always invite me to their homes because they know that both of my parents are deceased. While I genuinely appreciate that, my heart aches when I see people celebrating with their parents. It may sound like jealousy, but I will never have that moment again.
I will never be able to cook for my mommy. I will never be able to introduce a man to my daddy. I will never be able to do family photos with my parents and siblings ever again. I am happy for those who can do it, but I would be lying if I said my heart didn't ache.
Nowadays, I try to celebrate with the family I do have. I try to show appreciation when I can!
My sister has six kids, and I know that my siblings and I come together for them. I miss having holidays with them. Their smiles and attitudes make my day!
But the question is, how do we, meaning us, people who are grieving, get through the holidays?
First off, the holiday season affects grieving people the most. Why?
1.) Because, like all the other stages of grief, we have to find our new normal.
2.) We have to make up our own traditions.
3.) There is a reminder that our loved ones will not be coming back.
4.) It sucks to see everyone with their loved ones, and all we want to do is be by ourselves.
5.) People want to make you and see you happy, but your heart is aching.
This season hurts. It doesn't matter if you lost someone fifty-five years ago or five months ago. During these times, please be honest about how you feel. Do not force yourself to do anything that you do not want to do. You are not alone. During this time, please know that you are not alone; if we have lost someone and feel that pain, we can see that we are not in pain alone.
If you have to, feel free to switch up how you do the holidays. In my family, we started doing staycations and traveling. We wear pajamas as a family on certain days and come up with a day to play games. So switch it up if that will give you peace. If you giving you peace means you replicate the loved ones' recipes and traditions, then do that. Honestly, just like I always say, there isn't a size fit for dealing with grief during the holiday seasons.
I will say this, and if this is your first holiday with your loved one, my heart is with you. I know it's weird. Or maybe you don't feel different, and that's normal too! But know that it may not get a better time. Year 5 might worse than year 1. Or it might be the other way around.
If this is your year 2, my heart is with you! I know for me, year 2 was horrible. Year two confirmed that they were never coming back, and life has moved on. It was hard.
If you're a person who has lost anyone during your lifetime, then know that you are not alone! I know that sometimes it gets lonely. But we are not alone. I hope that you know that you are worthy! I hope you know that you are loved! You are amazing! Whatever you feel during this time is felt, heard, and supported!
We, here at HealingSheGotFaith, stand with you! You're part of our family! We love you!
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