Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself doing what other people want you to do? I can remember a couple of times when I stood my ground, and some people were offended. Still, I also remember times when my life depended solely on other people's opinions and expectations.
I read something on Facebook yesterday that said, "No one else is supposed to understand your calling. It wasn't a conference call."
Can I be honest with you, Faither? I think everyone is invited to the table!
Let me give you some examples:
Example 1: College. I never wanted to go to college or graduate school or pursue my social work license. But yet I have a Bachelor of Science in social work degree, a Master of social work degree, and I have tried to obtain my social work license twice. But honestly, my decision was based on other people telling me what I should do.
Graduate school--let me tell you. I went to graduate school because a couple of coworkers convinced me, too, and the organization I was working for at the time convinced me that it would help me grow in that particular organization. And then, this social work licensure, my graduate school did not even talk about, so the whole time I was in Missouri, I realized that I did not need the license, but I moved to New York and realized that I needed that license out here. Wheew. So, now I am spending my money and figuring out how to pass this test, yet there is still no license behind my name.
Example number 2, working out. I remember trying to do all the physical programs, cleansings, diets, and workout plans. At some point, I realized that I hate working out. I am just honest. It is not fun for me. I know it is needed, but it is not fun. It is more stressful for me. However, I do like to dance, walk, and practice Yoga. So, I had to figure out what worked for me. Dancing was my go-to. I mean, you all I love it! I remember attending a dance class that I loved so much. After this dance class, there was a boot camp class afterward. So I finished my course, and I grabbed my stuff, and I head towards the doors. A couple of the people in the class asked, "Where are you going?" I looked back with a confused look and said, "I never stay for those types of classes. I do not enjoy them. Plus, I am on a time constraint. But you all do you all thing!" Then I hear someone say, "We just trying to get you right, LeLe." I turn around and say, "Thank you, ladies, but I am good. I love you all, but I have to go." I am not going to lie to you all; I have never wanted a specific body. I honestly just wanted to be in love with my body and have a healthier view in general. Having a slim waist with a flat stomach, ehhh, it sounds nice, but I wasn't going to fight for it. Honestly, I am not ashamed of it. But I found myself comparing myself to other people. I found myself questioning my worth when I never asked it before then.
Example 3: Where are my ladies who wear heels? I can not wear heels. There was always a discomfort. And when pressured into wearing heels, guess what? I look like a hot mess. I know my capacity and limit! Why am I allowing folks to make me think differently?
The problem is people project (ha, something I learned from that license I don't have) their expectations on to us. Because they do it, we should do it. Many of us work outside of our capacity, which is where fatigue and burnout come into play.
Think about it, at the beginning of every year, and everyone is going hard for their health, and then boom. Everyone stops. Why? Because most of us aren't working out of a place where we thrive. We are in survival mode, or we are working under other people's expectations.
Listen, as I write this blog, I am preaching to myself as I see the list of things in my head that I am doing over my capacity. You know it is funny because I created this organization because of how burnt-out I was. I was tired. It's weird how the human brain works. We leave a situation and enter a new one only to still be in the same habits. Wow!!!
Faither, what's something you need to say no to today?
Who is someone you need to set a boundary with today?
How about you nurture strengths and set boundaries around your weaknesses (or limitations).
Whatever you decide today, remember to love you the way you love the world!
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