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Diving Deep into Grief

Updated: Jun 28, 2020

So HealingSheGotFaith is rooted in grief. Our sole purpose is supporting those who are grieving. But let's break down what grief is.

When you type in "Grief definition" into google, it shows as follows:

deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.

"she was overcome with grief."

INFORMAL

trouble or annoyance.

"We were too tired to cause any grief."

Similar words to grief are sorrow, misery, sadness, pain, distress, annoyance, trouble, bothersome.

So, when we look at this word, we can see that naturally, it will take a lot to deal with it. We can see that grief changes us from the inside out.

If you have grieved before or if you're grieving now, have you ever felt like "I am losing my mind? I am losing myself."

Can I tell you something? That is perfectly normal. People who grieve often feel like we are alone. Our shock of the loss takes over our mind and body at different stages. We tend to feel like we must hide our emotions or that we have to watch what we are saying to the people around us. We tend to try to make everyone else around us comfortable, but we forget to make ourselves comfortable with what is happening. We tend to be uncomfortable with addressing our issues and our grief, but we want everyone else to feel comfortable.

But when we do this, we take away from what we are truly dealing with. If you need to cry, then cry if you need not talk about your situation, then don't, if you need a hug or a bag of M&Ms, then get that. We must learn to set boundaries with people in dealing with our grief.

Look at this like this; your life has shifted. Your routine has changed. Things will never go back to normal. Death is not something we can revert. What was once our normal is now something that is changing, and we will be finding our new normal.

When I lost my mom, I had to go through withdrawals because I talked to her daily about 3-4 times a day. When she died, who did I want to talk to that much? No one. I went from being there for everyone to only wanting to be in my bedroom by myself. I no longer knew what I wanted in life. I could not tell people what I wanted or needed. You know how many people told me they stopped talking to me because I would not tell them how to support me.

Let me say this loud and clear "I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO SUPPORT ME SO I COULD NOT TELL PEOPLE HOW TO SUPPORT ME."



I had to be okay with that truth as well. There was not much that I could do or say. I went completely numb. I gained over 50 pounds, and I didn't even eat as much. I couldn't cry. I was not motivated. I cried every morning, waking up. I needed a hug. I needed to cry, and someone let me know that I didn't need to be strong. I couldn't be strong. I needed me in my life. How I showed up for everyone, I needed someone to show up for me.

I had a handful of friends who would text me and send me affirmations and stop by, and I appreciate them.



If you are in a space where you feel alone, I encourage you to see a grief group, a support group, or create a group of trusted few and try to lean into them so you can have your healing. Being alone and grieving is not fun nor healthy.

Currently, we have a society grieving. We grieve over Geroge Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the many people who have been publicly murdered in front of our eyes. As a society, we are hurting. As much as we need to fight, we need to make sure we are setting boundaries to rest and address how we feel. If you are like me, you take on these deaths and injustices very personally and feel the pain. My one drop of sunshine to you is to listen to your body, journal about your feelings, and discuss with trusted individuals. Have a group prayer call, have a zoom/google hangout call with people who feel the way you do, and discuss your feelings, get an accountability group together and pick a day to rest. Fight! The revolution is here, but the fight starts within. A wise community leader once said, "Sometimes, the most revolutionary action we can do is to rest." Most of us are breaking generational curses, and we feel the pain and trauma that has been passed down. Unfortunately, the fight against injustices and police brutality is part of this revolution. We must rest to be able to fight. We are here. We are breaking generational curses. We are changing policies and defunding systems. We have a shift in energy. The energy is shifting, and we are following up. But we must address our grief, we must rest, and then we must fight. But please do not ever feel alone. If you need a community, HealingSheGotFaith.com offers free membership and a safe place for us to communicate and live life with one another.

#BlackLivesMatter

#SayTheirNames



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